Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
try to milk me bitch
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