i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
