ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
