I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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