xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I want to fling myself into the sun
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