One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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