Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
