You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
