I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.