Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?