My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.