I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.