Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Your dad touched me again.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Actions speak louder than pants.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.