I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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