I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
