the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
