I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
