Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
