I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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