I just saw a hot homeless man
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
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so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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