My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so let's talk penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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