Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize