if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
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We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
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You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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