the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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