She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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