you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
