'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
