i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
