the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Are my feet made of real feet?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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