Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
