i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
