You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You're like the curious george of whores
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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