yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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