Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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