i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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