woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
