Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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