Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
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You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
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