He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
