Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
4 words: hood of his car
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
