this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
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She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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