I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
