I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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