Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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