The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
im on a boat
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