I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
home. puking in laundry basket.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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