Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.

(917): View more from New York City

why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.

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(914): I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head. (917): why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn. http://tfl.nu/7i64

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Chicken burrito, or no deal.

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

Is that code for my vagina?

(402): View more from Nebraska

Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito

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(402): Chicken burrito, or no deal. (1-402): Is that code for my vagina? (402): Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito http://tfl.nu/ldfv

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(650): View more from California

I love my bros weed

(650): View more from California

Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though

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(650): I love my bros weed (650): Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though http://tfl.nu/whw4

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt

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(617): He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt http://tfl.nu/0t60

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(917): View more from New York City

Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee

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(917): Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee http://tfl.nu/mgtx

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(702): View more from Nevada

Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?

(636): View more from Missouri

anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence

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(702): Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls? (636): anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence http://tfl.nu/1u56

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(937): View more from Ohio

Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover

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(937): Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover http://tfl.nu/h2d8

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(630): View more from Illinois

Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.

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(630): Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night. http://tfl.nu/wu2q

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(914): View more from New York

I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.

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(914): I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot. http://tfl.nu/n3sv

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(337): View more from Louisiana

I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.

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(337): I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven. http://tfl.nu/stao

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(719): View more from Colorado

I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.

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(719): I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed. http://tfl.nu/z9qp

Replies (7) Good night (2627) Bad night (890)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.

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(215): It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college. http://tfl.nu/yb1z

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(315): View more from New York

After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine

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(315): After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine http://tfl.nu/ymwq

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?

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(412): Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet? http://tfl.nu/5htr

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(714): View more from California

She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.

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(714): She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap. http://tfl.nu/1x8o

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