we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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