I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
