You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
