She said her name was "party"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
