Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
