so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize