I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
