You're my little dorito
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
