so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
