Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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