oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
