Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
